


Calling All First-year Representatives to the Stage, Please

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, I have a crude sense of humor; I'm sorry, M/M, vulgarity, why am i like this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2018-12-25 20:05:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12043284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: koganegawa:tomatoes r transgenderbroccoli:Whathelp me:shut the fuck up





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly these names were so poorly thought-out, and I was like, I'm gonna change them before I post, but my creativity is out of order as of now, so 
> 
> sharpboi™: Goshiki Tsutomu  
> 2m: Hyakuzawa Yuudai  
> kunimi: Kunimi Akira  
> crow: Kageyama Tobio  
> omonaga: Onaga Wataru  
> broccoli: Chigaya Ekichi  
> koganegawa: Koganegawa Kanji  
> help me: Kuguri Naoyasu  
> himekawa: Himekawa Aoi  
> lev haiba: Lev Haiba

 

 **kunimi:** sup sluts

 **koganegawa:** kunimi when did u get so

 **lev haiba:** woaj  
**lev haiba:** kunimi started a xonvsstion for onxw

 **kunimi:** can u even type™, bro?

 **broccoli:** Hey guys!!!

 **koganegawa:** bro

 **broccoli:** Bro!!!

 **koganegawa:** so much love for u bro

 **broccoli:** Bro❤️

 **kunimi:** nobody has even answered my question  
**kunimi:** i’m so done with trying to socialize

 **lev haiba:** NO DONT GO

 **koganegawa:** COME BACK

 **kunimi:** no  
**kunimi:** I'm not kunimi btw. Did I do a good impersonation?

 **koganegawa:** KINDAICHI!!!!!

 **lev haiba:** whooo

 **koganegawa:** KUNIMIS BOYFRIEND!!!

 **kunimi:** Uh  
**kunimi:** If that's what you want to call me, sure whatever

 **sharpboi™:** You're not dating??!

 **lev haiba:** HI GOSHIKI!!!

 **sharpboi™:** Lev!!!

 **help me:** why do you guys always use so much punctuation

 **kunimi:** bye

 **sharpboi™:** IT’S FUN, KUGURI!!!!

 **help me:** it hurts my eyes

 **lev haiba:** kuguru,,, y so infriendly

 **help me:** sorry, infriendly isn't a word

 **kunimi:** wow  
**kunimi:** i actually hate you guys

 **koganegawa:** :(((((

 **lev haiba:** yyyy

 **kunimi:** kindaichi just woke me up and asked me what we are  
**kunimi:** all i wanted was a nice afternoon siesta

 **help me:** what did u say

 **kunimi:** i haven't answered

 **help me:** answer soon or else he’ll get upset

 **kunimi:** he's already upset

 **lev haiba:** who made u rhe relationship advisor kygurii?!!

 **help me:** you ask why i don't like you  
**help me:** you never spell my name right, that's why

 **lev haiba:** kuGURI****

 **help me:** kunimi, are you okay?

 **kunimi:** no  
**kunimi:** he's upset, and i want to take a nap on him, but now he's all, ‘ugh, akira, are we dating? i feel like we are. ppl keep telling me we are. does that make us gay?’ and i didn't want to have the gay talk with him yet because it's too much work  
**kunimi:** ugh i have to go

 **help me:** lord have mercy on your soul

 **lev haiba:** luhuri

 **help me:** what

 **lev haiba:** we r friends rite

 **help me:** who told you that

 **sharpboi™:** Why are you so salty, Kuguri???!!

 **help me:** your punctuation makes me want to die

 **broccoli:** Someone get this kid a kitten

 **help me:** i have plenty of pets thanks

 **broccoli:** Do any of them have fur?

 **help me:** maybe

 **broccoli:** Do any of them cuddle?

 **help me:** maybe

 **lev haiba:** (no)

 **broccoli:** You need a kitten  
**broccoli:**  

**help me:** ...what is this  
**help me:** feeling

 **crow:** what  
**crow:**  they're

 **broccoli:** I think what you guys are feeling is a little something called “awe”  
**broccoli:**  They're cute

 **help me:** where can i get one

 **crow:** yes  
**crow:** i agree

 **lev haiba:** CATS  
**lev haiba:** I LOVE CATS  
**lev haiba:** THEYRE SO CUTEEEEEE!!!!!!!

 **help me:** do i actually have something in common with lev  
**help me:** it’s time for the sweet embrace of death to take me away

 **broccoli:** You know, it isn't that bad of a thing to have something in common with Lev.

 **help me:** what  
**help me:** bye

 

❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁

 

 **sharpboi™:** Kunimi,

 **kunimi:** wdywfm

 **sharpboi™:** How did it go with Kindaichi??

 **kunimi:** we had the gay talk  
**kunimi:** no thanks to koganegawa

 **koganegawa:** IM SORRRYYYY!!

 **sharpboi™:** So he's your boyfriend now?

 **kunimi:** well, he was before  
**kunimi:** he just didn't know

 **crow:** my ship has sailed

 **kunimi:** is anyone else shocked that kageyama knows what a ship is

 **sharpboi™:** Maybe he meant literally

 **koganegawa:** WHATS S SHIP

 **crow:** our manager has been teaching me new things

 **kunimi:** wow

 **crow:** i will teach u koganegawa

 **koganegawa:** YAY

 **crow:** it's when two people come together  
**crow:** and their feelings go like whoosh  
**crow:** and their hearts are like bam  
**crow:** and you also feel the bam when you look at them  
**crow:** and to ship two people is to want them to keep feeling the whooshes and bams

 **koganegawa:** GOT IT

 **kunimi:** what the fuck

 

❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁

 

 **broccoli:** I can't sleep

 **2m:** Me either

 **broccoli:** What's up

 **2m:** Pondering the meaning of life

 **broccoli:** Same

 **2m:** How did we even get here?

 **broccoli:** In the gc or, like, evolution..?

 **2m:** Yes

 **broccoli:** Hyakuzawa

 **2m:** Wow, someone spelled my name correctly

 **broccoli:** Go to sleep

 

❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁

 

 **koganegawa:** I MISS KAMASAKI SO MUCH

 **sharpboi™:** I MISS TEENDOU AND USHSIJINAAASAN

 **lev haiba:** I MISS YAKUSAN KCIKNG ME AND YKURODOAN YESLLING AT ME

 **help me:** why are you so bad at typing

 **himekawa:** kuguri, take a chill pill

 **help me:** why

 **himekawa:** bc the third years just graduated

 **help me:** fuck

 **himekawa:** ?

 **help me:** i forgot to go to graduation

 

❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁

 

 **omonaga:** what am I doing with my life  
**omonaga:** i don't wanna be vice captain

 **crow:** it will be ok

 **omonaga:** who knew u could say nice things

 **crow:** i've been spending too much time with yaichi

 **omonaga:** she ur girl?

 **crow:** ew no

 **lev haiba:** couldnt u telk  
**lev haiba:** hes faying hinataa!!!

 **broccoli:** I thought he was dating Miya

 **omonaga:** no miya is onesidedly dating akaashi

 **broccoli:** Speaking of Miya, why isn't Inarizaki’s first year representative here?

 **lev haiba:** bc

 **broccoli:** Because?

 **lev haiba:** bc…

 **omonaga:** same  
**omonaga:** wait is kageyama actually dating hinata

 **crow:** y

 **omonaga:** i owe kaori ¥5000

 **crow:** .

 **kunimi:** kagehina

 **omonaga:** /sigh/  
**omonaga:** i was hoping they'd get together after the third years graduated

 **kunimi:** they’ve been together for like the entire year

 **crow:** no

 **kunimi:** yes

 **sharpboi™:** Yes  
**sharpboi™:** You just didn't know

 **himekawa:** yeah in first year when i saw you two play, you were definitely dating

 **crow:** how

 **sharpboi™:** Hinata told me you were going on a date last year

 **crow:** why wasn't i informed

 **kunimi:** maybe he was afraid to confess  
**kunimi:** or he didn't want to have the talk yet  
**kunimi:** koganegawa.

 **koganegawa:** I SAID I WAS SORRY!!!!

 **crow:** we've never discussed this

 **omonaga:** so what i’m hearing is u aren't an item yet

 **crow:** no

 **broccoli:** Onaga, you're going to end up giving Kaori the ¥5000 even if she loses

 **omonaga:** it’s not about the money

 **broccoli:** What's it about ?

 **omonaga:** ...win

 **kunimi:** that's the most kageyama thing that’s come out of your mouth

 **crow:** IVE CHANGED

 **kunimi:** didn't mean it in a bad way

 

❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁

 

 **himekawa:** we’re officially second years

 **lev haiba:** ;)

 **himekawa:** lev no

 **lev haiba:** lev yes

 **koganegawa:** GUYS

 **himekawa:** wat

 **koganegawa:** I FORGOT

 **himekawa:** same

 

❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁

 

 **help me:** i’m bored

 **lev haiba:** i can help w/ thrt

 **help me:** how

 **lev haiba:** ;)

 **help me:** lev,

 **lev haiba:** we fan go fins stray cats

 **help me:** ugh  
**help me:** at 5pm

 **lev haiba:** ;)

 **help me:** okay

 **kunimi:** lev, that emote doesn't mean what you think it means

 **lev haiba:** ;)

 **help me:** stop

 **lev haiba:** lol xd

 **kunimi:** lev.

 **help me:** please

 **lev haiba:** i ws kidding!!!

 

❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁

 

 **2m:** How’s everyone’s spring break going?

 **koganegawa:** ur so soft™

 **2m:** What?

 **koganegawa:** ive been picking up lingo from futakucji

 **2m:** What do you mean by soft?

 **koganegawa:** /soft/

 **2m:** Is that good or bad?

 **koganegawa:** idk!!!

 **2m:** Why are you like this?

 **koganegawa:** sry hahah

 

❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁

 

 **kunimi:** i’ve never felt so excited before in my life

 **broccoli:** What's wrong?

 **kunimi:** candy

 **broccoli:** What

 **kunimi:** look at kaori’s snapchat

 **broccoli:** Beautiful

 **kunimi:** ikr

 **omonaga:** how do u have her snapchat

 **broccoli:** She added me

 **kunimi:** ^

 **omonaga:** what

 **kunimi:** she adds anyone that you've talked to

 **omonaga:** why

 **broccoli:** I rarely ever say this, Onaga,  
**broccoli:** but smh

 **omonaga:** what why

 **kunimi:** imsry  
**kunimi:** but ur dense asf

 **omonaga:** why are you excited about candy on kaori’s snapchat

 **kunimi:** bc it's for a party and we’re all invited

 **omonaga:** ...how did i not know this

 

❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁

 

 **koganegawa:** tomatoes r transgender

 **broccoli:** What

 **help me:** shut the fuck up

 **kunimi:** go on

 **himekawa:** kunimi y r u encouraging this

 **koganegawa:** they have the parts of a fruit  
**koganegawa:** but they don't associate with fruits or go into fruit salads  
**koganegawa:** they fuck with the veggies  
**koganegawa:** they go on sandwiches with other veggies and in stir fry  
**koganegawa:** they identify as veggie despite being born with the anatomy of a fruit (seeds)

 **himekawa:** we know that tomatoes have seeds you don't have to tell us

 **help me:** i hate you

 **kunimi:** same

 **broccoli:** Have you by any chance inhaled the fumes of cannabis?

 **koganegawa:** i don't do that  
**koganegawa:** i bet kunimi does

 **kunimi:** what the fuck did i do

 **koganegawa:** nth u just look like a stoner

 **kunimi:** who abbreviates nothing

 **koganegawa:** me

 

❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁

 

 **lev haiba:** SMONE HELP ME I HAS A BIGHTAMRE THAT I WAS BEING STALLEKD BY TEH LAWN GUY AND I AMSLMOT HOT RAPRED

 **help me:** lev, you're like 2m tall  
**help me:** can’t you defend yourself from the lawn guy?

 **lev haiba:** I WAS 7 IN THE DREAM

 **crow:** report him to the police

 **help me:** but it was just a dream

 **lev haiba:** OKAY

 **help me:** you could be putting an innocent man on the public sex offender list

 **crow:** not innocent

 **lev haiba:** HES GUILTY I KNOW IT

 **help me:** do you remember exactly which lawn guy was in your dream?

 **lev haiba:** YES

 **help me:** you’re ridiculous

 **lev haiba:** MY LIFE ISS IN IDANGER

 **help me:** you’re actually ridiculous

 

❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁

 

 **sharpboi™:** I CANT SLEEP

 **crow:** hi

 **sharpboi™:** HI KAGEYAMA

 **crow:** bye

 **sharpboi™:** D; DONT LEAVE ME

 **crow:** what kind of 2009 emoticon is that

 **sharpboi™:** WOW U CAN TALK

 **kunimi:** he can talk he just doesn't have social skills

 **sharpboi™:** NICE™

 

❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁

 

 **omonaga:** k so is it just me

 **help me:** probably

 **omonaga:** okay so let me clarify before i begin  
**omonaga:** im bi  
**omonaga:** okay so  
**omonaga:** is it just me or are all the captains for next year like ridiculously attractive

 **help me:** um  
**help me:** where do you go to school? because no

 **omonaga:** fukurodani

 **help me:** show me ur new captain

 **omonaga:** _Attached Image_

 **help me:** ….wow  
**help me:** you’re lucky

 **lev haiba:** _Attached Image_  
**lev haiba:** my captsin is wweid

 **help me:** he’s cute though

 **lev haiba:** ur gay?!!!!!!???????

 **help me:** i like a lot of things  
**help me:** labels are not one of them

 **lev haiba:** kuguri

 **help me:** what

 **lev haiba:** u fine

 **omonaga:** lev, you have to use at least semi-correct grammar when hitting on people for it to be effective

 **lev haiba:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **help me:** i’m going to pretend that never happened

 **2m:** Onaga, I agree. The captains this year are very attractive

 **omonaga:** wink wink

 **2m:** Why are you trying to suggest?

 **omonaga:** wink wink

 **2m:** Shut up

 **lev haiba:** omggggg r u datind ur xaprain

 **2m:** Not yet

 **omonaga:** YET

 **lev haiba:** YETTT

 **2m:** Shut up

 

❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁

 

 **kunimi:** is anyone else like perpetually tired

 **help me:** yes

 **koganegawa:** i cant stop singing rolex

 **broccoli:** All I ever wanted was a rolley rolley

 **koganegawa:** now your chick all on me

 **kunimi:** it’s time to stop

 **koganegawa:** lets sing broccoli in broccoli’s honor

 **help me:** he has a name, you know

 **koganegawa:** no

 **broccoli:** Wow

 

❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁

 

 **kunimi:** so i just passively read while reading aloud and i’m so done with myself

 **sharpboi™:** SAME

 **kunimi:** wow we have something in common

 **sharpboi™:** What are you reading for???

 **kunimi:** history

 **sharpboi™:** Me too!!!

 **kunimi:** i’m not even going to ask about the punctuation

 **sharpboi™:** I have an idea.

 **kunimi:** i can't get over the way you type

 **sharpboi™:** CALL ME AND WE CAN STUDY TOGETHER

 **kunimi:** um, no thanks

 **sharpboi™:** PLEASE

 **kunimi:** no

 **sharpboi™:** PLEASE

 **kunimi:** fine

 

❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁

 

 **2m:** I hate when teachers make us talk about our break on the first day of school.  
**2m:** Like what am I supposed to say? I spent it ruing the day I was born? No.

 **help me:** same

 **koganegawa:** zawa

 **2m:** Me?

 **koganegawa:** ye

 **2m:** What?

 **koganegawa:** i just realized  
**koganegawa:** UR CAPTAIN IS MINE WITH GLASSES ON

 **2m:** Are you okay?

 **koganegawa:** NOOOO LOOK  
**koganegawa:** _Attached Image (2)_

 **2m:** How did you even get a picture of my captain?

 **koganegawa:** THATS HIS PROFILE PIC I FOUND HIS MEASENGER

 **help me:** are they even different people

 **koganegawa:** RIGHT!!!!!!

 **2m:** Yes, very different.

 

❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁

 

 **lev haiba:** y is kagayama the frist yr rep for karasnuo

 **kunimi:** second year now

 **lev haiba:** whatevrerrr

 **crow:** hinata broke his phone

 **kunimi:** good

 **lev haiba:** y

 **kunimi:** kageyama is quieter

 **lev haiba:** LAMEE

 **omonaga:** Are we just going to ignore ka _gay_ ama?

 **kunimi:** yes

 

❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁

 

 **broccoli:** I accidentally consumed three pints of ice cream in celebration of finishing one assignment, and I still have three more assignments, and I want to take a nap because I ate so much, and I hate myself

 **himekawa:** “accidentally”

 **kunimi:** i’ve honestly never read anything more relatable

 **broccoli:** ;(

 **himekawa:** do u need a hug

 **broccoli:** Yes

 **kunimi:** is this a new ship

 **broccoli:** No

 **himekawa:** no

 **kunimi:** fair enough

 

❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁

 

 **lev haiba:** do yuo ever wondwr  
**lev haiba:** wulod goshiki be hot w a new haircot

 **broccoli:** Leave Goshiki alone; he’s cute

 **sharpboi™:** I’m mighty fine, if I do say so myself!

 **kunimi:** yeah, he's cute and all, but if he got a new haircut he’d be hot instead

 **lev haiba:** i agre

 **help me:** why are you guy discussing someone’s attractiveness when that person is in the chat

 **lev haiba:** only talk shit to face  
**lev haiba:** not behind back

 **help me:** is that some russian thing

 **kunimi:** is that some russian proverb

 **lev haiba:** my granny says that

 **sharpboi™:** I appreciate your upfront criticism, but I'll get a new haircut another time

 **crow:** who cares about haircuts

 **lev haiba:** i

 **kunimi:** i

 **help me:** not i

 **crow:** why

 **kunimi:** looking cute is a must here at seijoh

 **crow:** ur hairs been the same since jr high

 **kunimi:** i’ve been cute since jr high

 **lev haiba:** same :)

 **kunimi:** i have dimples. i’m the definition of adorable

 **crow:** no  
**crow:** hinata is

 **kunimi:** wow kagayama

 **lev haiba:** shut diwn

 **kunimi:** stfu

 

❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁

 

 **sharpboi™:** My mom fed my fish bread, and I am concerned.

 **help me:** tell your mom she isn't allowed to see your fish anymore

 **sharpboi™:** Do you have fish?

 **help me:** yes

 **sharpboi™:** Do you know what happens when they're fed bread?

 **help me:** they can die

 **sharpboi™:** ;(((((

 **help me:** i’m sure they'll be fine

 **sharpboi™:** :))))

 

❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁

 

 **himekawa:** i met a cute boy today and almost immediately upon meeting him i started to think about if he would be into slapping me while we fuck and i hate myself

 **kunimi:** same.

 **omonaga:** you guys are nasty

 **lev haiba:** wyh wuld ne1 want 2 b slapled

 **kunimi:** slapled

 **himekawa:** you wouldn't understand, lev

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! ❤️ If you liked/hated it, let me know. Or don't. Do whatever makes you happy. 
> 
> I don't really know when I'll update next since I haven't written any more of this fic; it'll probably be in a week or two and updated regularly because it emotionally pains me to leave a fic hanging


	2. what am I doing

**help me:** why do we even need representatives for each year

 **himekawa:** something about building bonds ???

 **help me:** that’s stupid

 **himekawa:** ikr?

 **help me:** we should rotate representatives

 **himekawa:** yeah

 **kunimi:** kuguri aren't you like the only second year on your team

 **help me:** i keep forgetting we’re second years now  
**help me:** kind of

 **kunimi:** who would you rotate with

 **help me:** the darkness

 **himekawa:** o k a y

 

❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁

 

 **lev haiba:** kujuri

 **help me:** lev

 **lev haiba:** wanna take a wslk w me

 **help me:** um no

 **lev haiba:** im coming to ur house and forging u to take a walk with me

 **help me:** why can't your ever type normally

 **lev haiba:** im tryinh!!!!

 **help me:** whatever. see you in 15

 **lev haiba:** yayyyy

 

❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁

 

 **2m:** Are they friends?

 **broccoli:** I think they're in that awkward stage between acquaintances and friends

 **2m:** That’s the worst

 **broccoli:** Ikr  
**broccoli:** Anyway,  
**broccoli:** I heard that you like your captain

 **2m:** I don’t

 **broccoli:** Lie to me again,

 **2m:** she says

 **broccoli:** I love you,

 **2m:** he says  
**2m:** I love my captain

 **broccoli:** Bruh

 **2m:** Is it just me or is everyone in this chat abnormally tall except Himekawa

 **broccoli:** Way to change the subject

 **2m:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ Can't blame me for trying

 **broccoli:** How are you going to deal with your crush?

 **2m:** I won't

**broccoli:**

 

 **crow:** hi i am here with yaichi and she wants to know the circumstances of your crush

 **2m:** What does that even mean

 **broccoli:** It means “give me the deets now”

 **crow:** she says she wants to help you

 **2m:** That sounds like something the government would say before they kidnap you and rob you of your identity to conduct experiments on you

 **broccoli:** Oh my god, you're a radical

 **crow:** she says she won't conduct experiments on you

 **2m:** Again, something someone working with the government would say

 **broccoli:** Dude, she's literally the sweetest girl you'll ever meet; she's harmless

 **2m:** Sounds like the description of a great assassin that will brutally tear out your entrails and bring them to the government in a plastic bag in a black briefcase with an innocent smile

 **crow:** she gives up

 **broccoli:** Hyakuzawa, have you spent any time in a mental institution lately?

 **2m:** I promised my mother that I wouldn’t swear.  
**2m:** So, I must say instead, I thought you were a good one, broccoli-kun, but you've turned out to be just like the others.  
**2m:** Have sex with yourself, is what I'm really trying to say here.

 **broccoli:** Someone please take that out of context

 **lev haiba:** HOWSDO U HAVE SEX WITH URSELF

 **2m:** I meant “go fuck yourself”

 **lev haiba:** HIW

 **crow:** u don't know??

 **2m:** He’s a lost cause.

 **broccoli:** Ur one to talk, u conspiracy theorist

 **crow:** did broccoli just not use somewhat proper grammar

 **broccoli:** Do any of you actually know my name

 **2m:** No

 **broccoli:** Fuck you

 **2m:** When and where

 **lev haiba:** no k dlnt know jos to uck urself

 **crow:** lev, i know typing is hard. i went through that struggle before, but you have to learn eventually or at least put on autocorrect

 **lev haiba:** r we just glnna ignore 2m wanting to  
do the do w/ (fuck) broccoli

 **broccoli:** Yes

 **2m:** Wow

 **kunimi:** hello, self-proclaimed second mom of the chat here. lev, u used a bad word, and u need to repent

 **koganegawa:** KUNIMI U CANT JUST GO ARIUNF TELLING PPL THEY NEED 2 REPENT

 **kunimi:** why the fuck not

 **lev haiba:** i hav done nothing wromg in my life

 **koganegawa:** BC U HWV TO GIVE THEM AN ADRWWUSTE PUNISJMENT INSTEAD OF JUST SAYIMG U NEED TO REPENH

 **kunimi:** what are you, lev now?

 **koganegawa:** IM ESTIMG OKAY I ONLY HWVEBONE HAND TO TYPQ WITJ

 **2m:** Entrails

 **koganegawa:** WHAT TEH FUCK

 **2m:** I wanted your attention. Anyway, now that I have it, can we address the fact that Kunimi scolded Lev for cursing and then cursed almost immediately afterward?

 **koganegawa:** UR RIGHT  
**koganegawa:** OKAY AS OFFICIAL PRESIDENT OF THE CLASS OF 2020 VOLLEYBALL REPRESENTATIVE COUNCIL, I DECLARE AN OFFICIAL MEETING AT DATE TECH HIGH ON APRIL 21ST AT 3:00 PM. BE TBERE OR BE SWUARE.  
**koganegawa:** THIS MEETING WILL BE TO ADDRESS THE ISSUE OF LEV HAIBA’S CURSING HABITS AND KUNIMI (WHATS HIS FIRST NAME)S HYPOCRISY

 **kunimi:** okay 1) fuck you

 **lev haiba:** i call for soap in kunimi’s mouth

 **crow:** i knew you could do it, lev

 **kunimi:** 2) my name is akira  
**kunimi:** and 3) is kageyama actually being nice. why is he being nice

 **crow:** i support my brethren even though he sucks at typing as much as he does at volleyball

 **lev haiba:** i love u kageyama i turned on autocorrect and she just changed like 7 different words

 **crow:** love u too lev

 **broccoli:** When did you guys even become friends or “brethrens”

 **crow:** hinata made me  
**crow:** he told me that because i’m a setter that i have to start preparing to be a mom  
**crow:** and that i have to stop being so angry at milk  
**crow:** and then i decided that i am going to be an angry mom

 **broccoli:** Shouldn't he be your son then

 **crow:** hinata said im not allowed to adopt any of his friends unless they're at least a year younger  >:(

 **broccoli:** That has to be the best message you've ever sent solely because of that emoticon

 **crow:** >:(

 

❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁✿✿❁❁

 

 **koganegawa:** listen up, fuckers

 **kunimi:** who are you and what have you done with koganegawa?

 **sharpboi™:** IS KOGANEGAWA OKAY????!!!

 **koganegawa:** Futakuchi Kenji here; the preying mantis is fine. no need to worry

 **help me:** who the fuck is futakuchi kenji

 **koganegawa:** who the fuck is help me

 **help me:** fuck you

 **himekawa:** hi

 **koganegawa:** anyway, it’s come to my attention that you're holding a meeting at date tech? who the fuck made koganegawa president?

 **kunimi:** koganegawa did

 **koganegawa:** there needs to be some real changes around here

 **himekawa:** like

 **koganegawa:** like letting me fucking finish  
**koganegawa:** AS I WAS SAYING  
**koganegawa:** whats with all of your boring ass names?

 **kunimi:** what’s yours

 **koganegawa:** is that any of your business

 **himekawa:** ur mean

 **sharpboi™:** I want Koganegawa back.

 **koganegawa:** im changing names starting with you and then im blowing this joint

 **kunimi:** literally?

 **koganegawa:** what

**koganegawa has changed sharpboi™’s name to bowl**

**koganegawa has changed kunimi’s name to 420**

**koganegawa has changed koganegawa’s name to king preying mantis**

**king preying mantis has changed himekawa’s name to squad mom**

**squad mom:** i object

 **420:** broccoli is our first mom

**king preying mantis has changed squad mom’s name to ganja child**

**king preying mantis has changed help me’s name to i paint my nails black**

**king preying mantis has changed broccoli’s name to smoke ur veggies**

**king preying mantis has changed lev haiba’s name to simba**

**king preying mantis has changed 2m’s name to one hitter**

**king preying mantis has changed omonaga’s name to cheeba**

**king preying mantis:** that’s enough for now  
**king preying mantis:** see you on the 21st

 **420:** why am i 420

 **king preying mantis:** idk u kind of look like a stoner

 **420:** why do people keep thinking that

 **bowl:** Petition to be offended.

 **king preying mantis:** IM BACK  
**king preying mantis:** HE THREW MY PHONE AT MY HEAD AND IT BOUNCED TO THE TILE  
**king preying mantis:** IMAGW IF I DIDNT HAVW A LIFEPEOOF CASE

 **420:** slow breathing, koganegawa

 **bowl:** Petition to be offended.

 **king preying mantis:** WE WILL ADDEESS WHATS OFFENDING U DURING THE MEETING OKAY

 **smoke ur veggies:** Wouldn't it just be easier to do the meeting through video chat? Traveling is kind of expensive.

 **king preying mantis:** SEND ME UR FINANCIAL AID APPLICATION AND ILL EVALUATE UR SITUATION AND DECIDE WHETHER U NEED AID OR NOT K

 **smoke ur veggies:** Okay when did my name change

 **420:** did u srsly just notice

 **i paint my nails black:** my nails aren't fucking black

 **simba:** I LIKE MY NANE

 **crow:** what financial aid application

 **420:** yeah koganegawa who the fuck are you

 **king preying mantis:** president of our council

 **420:** what if i wanna be president

 **king preying mantis:** do u

 **420:** no

 **king preying mantis:** ok see u later

 **bowl:** I have an idea!

 **simba:** goshiki ur so cute

 **bowl:** Thank you. I think the gentlemen who aren't in Miyagi should be present to the conference via video chat.

 **king preying mantis:** GOOD IDEA

 **smoke ur veggies:** I literally said that earlier in the chat

 **king preying mantis:** BE MY VICE PRESIDENT

 **bowl:** Okay!

 **king preying mantis:** UR SO SMART GOSHIKI

 **bowl:** ! :)))

 **king preying mantis:** DONT SEND ME UR FINANCIAL AID APPLICATIONS ANYMORE

 **crow:** i was already halfway through mine :(

 **420:** kageyama you don't even live far

 **crow:** oh

 **smoke ur veggies:** Kageyama, he didn't even specify which financial aid application

 **crow:** i filled out the first on google

 **smoke ur veggies:** I love you so much

 **cheeba:** i’m back

 **ganja child:** same  
**ganja child:** why did he change everyone but kageyama’s name

 **420:** who knows

 **one hitter:** What's with all the weed references?

 **cheeba:** what the hell is cheeba

 **one hitter:** Slang for marijuana

 **420:** care to explain how you know that

 **one hitter:** No

 **420:** fair enough

 **smoke ur veggies:** Is cannabis a vegetable?

 **420:** It’s debatable

 **one hitter:** It does have seeds and flowers, but most consider it a vegetable

 **smoke ur veggies:** Koganegawa-san

 **king preying mantis:** yes ( •ॢ◡-ॢ)-♡

 **420:** i take it he likes the honorific

 **smoke ur veggies:** Can you ask Futakuchi-san why he knows so much about cannabis?

 **king preying mantis:** terushima yuuji

 **smoke ur veggies:** Who? That doesn't answer the question?

 **420:** all you need to know is terushima yuuji.

 **king preying mantis:** terushima yuuji is a bad influence

 **smoke ur veggies:** How so?

 **420:** he’s a chad. a derek. an asher.

 **smoke ur veggies:** Oh  
**smoke ur veggies:** Nice

 

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 **i paint my nails black:** someone please change my name

 **cheeba:** u don't know how?

 **i paint my nails black:** no

 **cheeba:**  aight

****cheeba:** has changed i paint my nails black’s name to kinda emo**

**kinda emo:** why do you people think i'm emo

 **simba:** i don't!

 **kinda emo:** wow thanks lev

 **cheeba:**  bc ur emo

 **kinda emo:** i’m not

 **simba:** he’s not!

 **cheeba:**  lev

 **simba:** ye

 **cheeba:**  how does it feel to have a crush on an emo

 **kinda emo:** u say “an emo” like they're a species

 **cheeba:**  they're a special subgroup to the human race

 **kinda emo:** i’m not even

 **simba:** bah

 **cheeba:**  why r u randomly saying bah

 **simba:** to expres exasperation

 **cheeba:**  u can spell exasperation but not express

 **simba:** ya

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im debating whether or not to write the final chapter as their little meeting lmao  
> if u wanna see that let me know if not we r gonna end this here thx love ya

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! ❤️ If you liked/hated it, let me know. Or don't. Do whatever makes you happy. 
> 
> I don't really know when I'll update next since I haven't written any more of this fic; it'll probably be in a week or two and updated regularly because it emotionally pains me to leave a fic hanging.


End file.
